Saturday, January 22, 2011

Dr. Chippendale

We had a lecture on head, eye, thorax physical examination procedure.

For the last demonstration, the doctor called up one of the guys to play guinea pig. When he made his way up to the front of the room, she asked, "Would you mind taking off your shirt?"

He froze. "Uh ..."

The class' response:

Half the guys: "We mind!"

Other half: "Do it! Take it off!" *wolf whistles*

Girls: Exactly which side do we take that would be least offensive?

Guy gamely decided to participate, turned his back to the class and tugged up his shirt. I really wanted to describe the scene in more detail, but all the lines I've typed up at this point made me sound like a really bad Harlequin novel. Suffice to say, the shirt made it up over the guy's face. His back: muscles flexed, light gleamed off skin.

Guys in our class snickering: "Whoo, baby!"

With his arms raised and the shirt still covering his face, he paused. Commencement of pelvic gyrations.

Class burst into loud guffaws. Yes, professionals we are.

Doctor, trying not to smile and probably wondering if this was such a good idea now, asked the guy to sit down on the bench, back still facing us. We then went through the techniques of tactile fremitus, percussion, and auscultation with the stethoscope. Percussion, by the way, is exactly what it sounds like; it's pretty much like playing drums on the patient's back with your fingers and listening for resonance. Next up, air guitar.

Guy was instructed to face us and while the doctor continued to explain what she was looking for, guy glanced down at his chest worriedly. As she continued to speak, he tried to subtly blow on his hands and pat his chest (specifically nipple range).

Doctor paused as she turned to him, stethoscope in hand.

He dropped his hand, cleared his throat. "Sorry. It was cold."

The class cracked up again.

Doctor: Must remember why I agreed to teach.

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