Fowl Play

Okay, I lied when I said I was gonna get started on my essay. Brain cells not functioning well right now.

I came across this really, really old piece of news last weekend about amazing celebrity mishaps and I think it's my weird funny bone trigger. I just couldn't stop laughing my head off whenever I thought about it even though it was probably quite scary and painful at the time.

Fabio went to Busch Gardens back in 1999 to do a promotional event for a new roller coaster, Apollo's Chariot. Locked into the middle seat of the front row, the ride set off and by the time the ride ended, they rolled back into the station with Fabio looking oh-so-serious with blood splattered across his nose and cheeks.

Apparently, as the ride passed over a pond on a descent, the serene geese floating upon the lake were spooked and ...

A bird hit him in the face.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! He had two lovely costumed ladies to his left and right and the stray goose does a kamikaze into his face!

It must be all that "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" pheromones.

Laughing Girl: Yah, I totally placed the hit on you, Fabio. Not butter, my BUTT!

Park officials said that no sign of the bird was found (cue creepy X-Files music?), but I think a park guest mentioned that a dead goose was found floating in the pond after the ride. Either Fabio killed the 20 lb goose with his wicked powerful nose or we can be optimistic and say that the bird is still out there, ready to snipe someone another day ...


By the way, I always knew roller coasters are one of the top dangers in the world. I never saw the joy in paying a lot of money to wait on super long lines to strap yourself in a reckless contraption that wreaks havoc on your hair and vomit reflex. No, sirree. Now add stray birds to the calculation.

(Roller coasters rank way up there on my fear list along with bloody horror movies, fatty meat, and insects, a.k.a. I'd rather get a shot than be dragged onto one. The end.)